It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit down and actually write a blog post…and I have missed it. I’ve always seen this message and thought it was so cool to be a wife, mom, and a boss all at the same time…and it is. What I didn’t realize is that it’s not always easy.
When I had Kellen Jr. I expected to be able to jump back in the saddle like they show on the movies or other women I’ve seen do it. What I also didn’t realize and even what my doctor shared with me were the parts that television or social media doesn’t show you. I’ve learned that behind every perfect picture there are those not-so-perfect moments, and that’s okay. It reminded me of the reason I started my blog because I wanted women to know that every day is not a sunny day but there is still good in each day. I am an authentic person and couldn’t imagine my blog being anything else. Five months into being a first-time mom and what was easy for me months ago (to have a schedule of posting a new blog post for my readers each Wednesday) was no more. I had to get over the schedules and my need to be perfect. I had to get over that I wasn’t always going to be the perfect wife, perfect mom and definitely not the perfect boss all at one time.
Each day of motherhood I prayed and even cried or laughed and kept asking myself – how can someone who has started a nonprofit organization and t-shirt line; have a successful direct sales business not perfect motherhood? I mean according to my friends and family members this is easy, right? Wrong! I was dead wrong in my thinking and the more I reached out to friends and family members or those that I am thankful who reached out to me – I was very honest in how things were going for me. I even asked some of my family members why they didn’t share with me the not-so-happy moments of motherhood? They would laugh and say it’s all trial and error and they were right. Someone even told me – you do what most women do and suffer in silence hoping every day is a good and happy day. Of course, we want every day and every moment to be perfect because social media shows us that’s what we’re all supposed to be, right? Wrong! We, especially women need to stop portraying that every moment of our lives is roses when there are some thorns that can sprout in our days. We all need those special people by our sides that will pray for us, check in on us, and even laugh with us when those thorns get to sprouting.
My compulsiveness of not sleeping on couches was dismissed when there were several nights we had “family slumber parties” because we could only get Kellen Jr. to successfully sleep through the night on my chest while I laid back on the couch and was able to get rest myself. My gracious husband joined us, and we had to laugh about it because this was parenthood. I used to keep a schedule of meals I would cook for the week because that’s a part of being a good wife, right? Wrong! I mean it is, but I realized that there may be days I couldn’t get in the kitchen and actually cook a meal but thankfully there were family members that helped out or times where a local restaurant was a great option for dinner. The pandemic caused a halt on a lot of things I would’ve loved to do especially with my nonprofit organization. The more I wanted to jump up and get things done, mentally and sometimes physically I wasn’t there and again, had to tell myself that it’s okay because all things God had in store for me would be there when the time came. I guess I just didn’t want to sit down and sit still which has been quite a while since I’ve done so. Of course, I had to while on bed rest, but I thought I would be ready and able to hop back up when the time presented itself. What I didn’t realize is that time was not my timing but God’s…as it’s always been in my life.
To be honest, I would sit back quite envious of friends and even family that seemed to be moving on in their lives while it was my time to just be still. Even during the pandemic, I must say I was happy when events my husband and I normally attended were canceled or trips planned with others was canceled because that meant no one was going, right? Wrong again! Those people only had to be still for a short while or until they decided to get out and test the waters during this pandemic while I was still being a new mom. Every woman wants to be that superwoman for everyone and in every situation. I wanted to be a super wife, super new mom, super friend and super boss but it just wasn’t in the cards for me all the time. During this pandemic, I would want to have a simple lunch with a friend just to get out of the house or catch up and laugh, but I have also been very cautious of Kellen Jr. because I would be devastated that my wants for social interaction would compromise his need to be safe and healthy. God thank you for sisters!! We started our walks again after my recovery and it would be in my neighborhood at first, as a way of getting her out for the day, seeing her nephew as well as getting me out of the house for a nice walk and some girl chat. She will never know how much her pushing me to start exercising again was beneficial to me physically and most of all, mentally. We even ventured out and would walk longer and across the Mississippi River just to explore – most days challenging ourselves up to 10 miles at a time.
I often remember a movie where a lady had a fictitious book titled “You Can Have It All.” Throughout the whole movie she actually thought she could have it all, including a wonderful marriage, thriving business and business partnership with her husband; and it appeared to some that she did but what she was hiding on the inside was emptiness and loneliness. Her husband was not faithful, and she was missing out on life itself. Her friends came to her rescue and opened her eyes and she realized that she couldn’t have it all. She had to lose the weight of her husband and the idea that she was perfect although she was hurting emotionally. She realized that her business could thrive without her husband and she started enjoying life the way she did years past. So, I tell myself and even other women, you can have it all just maybe not at the same time. You can be the all-around superwoman, but you can’t save everybody at the same time, especially if you’re not working on saving yourself.
Take it One Day at a Time!