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What Did She Say?

Let me be candid. People can be downright rude and a lot of times the recipient on the

ends of their comments and conversations chalk it up to people just not knowing what to say or how to say things. I have learned there is etiquette in everything, including the words we speak to each other. Society has trained us that there is a norm to life. We grow up, attend school, graduate college, start your career, meet your lifetime partner, get married, start a family and live in a nice house with a white picket fence. But what happens when some of the above are not your choices, your road to explore – or God doesn’t select you for some of the above? Let me clear a few things (from my perspective) for those that haven’t adjusted to the exceptions in life or things that may be abnormal to you.

Every little girl’s dream is to grow up and be this beautiful, successful, hardworking wife and mother and for some, dreams become reality but for others, dreams may be deferred or altered somewhere down the road. For me, I planned on attending college and graduating by 22, married by 25 and starting a family by 27. Oh boy! Were my dreams deferred a little and to be honest, I’m not too disappointed by the way my life was designed. I knew when I didn’t graduate at the age of 22 that things would be pushed back a little, BUT it never stopped me from achieving some of my goals and getting me to where I am now. I wanted to move to Memphis, TN after graduation and my mother insisted I start my college journey closer to home first to ensure I would have a college education, so I did. After completing two years at Oklahoma State University, I packed my car and moved to Memphis. Six months later I was back in college at the University of Memphis and in my own apartment.

I must confess that I was one of those people earlier in life who asked if someone wanted children, more children, what’s next in your life, when are you all getting married, etc. (although I still don’t believe a courtship should take a lifetime). Okay, I’m back! You’re probably wondering what is she talking about? So, here are a few things we should probably stop asking women out of the blue, because again, life has its ups and downs, curve balls, and everything in between.

  • What is taking you so long?

  • What are you all waiting for to have children?

  • Aren’t you ready to settle down?

  • Aren’t you ready to be a wife?

  • Now that you’re married, when are you all starting a family?

  • Baby #1, so when are you all having another one?

  • Do you want more kids?

  • Are you done having kids?

  • Are you all still trying since you’re getting older?

  • Why are you waiting so long?

Let people breathe! A few of these questions have been asked to me, especially the second one and the great answer I came up with was “we’re waiting on God.” That’s about the best answer I can give because everyone thinks it’s you all of the time that’s “holding up your life” but in fact it may not be God’s timing for you or I have met married couples that decided they didn’t want children, or wanted to wait a few years to have children, or women that wanted to enjoy their 20’s and then settle down. Whatever you choose in life, know that it is your life. You make the choices in it and don’t let anyone deter you from your own life’s roadmap.

Thinking back on my own judgments when I thought I found the perfect man for my life; all the while God was giving me signs that he wasn’t the one, but I tried to reason with God… he is everything on my “imaginary” list God. Everything I thought I had prayed for, but God gave me the intuition and finally put it in my face that he wasn’t the one plus my family didn’t even get the right vibe that he was the one. I took about two years off from dating and while I was in my 30’s, I wasn’t bothered that my lifelong partner hadn’t happened yet and really I was enjoying my life, but boy oh boy did I not know what was around the corner for me…my husband! And just like that; we met, courted, got engaged and married within two years of knowing each other. What came later was another detour but remember I said earlier – I knew there would be detours and although they may be hard to accept, God will always be that ram in a bush for you and will give you the right support system you need via family or girlfriends. Find the right words to say and know that society has no hold on you.

Speak in Love

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