No, I'm Not Afraid

I will always have his back, as well as my unborn son when it comes to good versus evil.

I wasn’t 100% sure what to write about for this week’s blog but with a lot of feelings in my spirit, I thought I would share my personal views on a topic that is not new to us at all. It seems new because we are living in these trying times of social injustice and racism but in reality, as the Bible says, “there’s nothing new under the sun.” As I scroll social media and see various posts and banners created about “Black boys and men” it leaves me to wonder – what about our Black girls? The next question I had was am I afraid to bring my unborn son into a world that is still filled with so much hatred…and truthfully, the answer is no. In a world that is so quick to react, sometimes I truly believe we don’t stop and think.


First, about our Black girls – the world is so infuriated about the unfortunate death of Mr. George Floyd or Ahmaud Arbery that we have forgotten about the recent deaths of Breonna Taylor or Atatiana Jefferson which were also caused by senseless acts by the police, or have we really just gotten fed up with the repetitiveness? But what do we do when there arrests but no convictions, no jail time, no recourse for these families or the Black community as a whole? The problem is that unfortunately as a race we have never been off of the radar when you think back to instances such as the untimely death of Emmett Till, a 14-year old Black male who went through hell via lynch because of a false story later recanted. Secondly, my unborn Black male – am I afraid for him? I want to say no because God did not give me a spirit of fear and the truth of the matter is when I think about the Black race as a whole it saddens me, at times. I don’t just think about my unborn child; but also, my husband, my father, my brother, my nephews and all of my family that have probably dealt with some form of racial profiling in their lives or possibly will.


What saddens me more is that sometimes we are profiled by our own African American race and it pricks me to my soul. Why is there only an outcry of rage and being fed up when other races treat us a certain way? Why aren’t we upset when there is unfortunate black on black crimes in our neighborhoods or we live as neighbors but don’t speak to each other? Why is there an outcry when our businesses don’t do well but we don’t support each other because of jealousy and envy? Most of us barely speak on social media because we are valued at the quantity of our “friends” rather than the quality and/or we truly just don’t care about the next person’s survival. Why is there such an outcry when we as Black Americans have to set the standards for ourselves? With every racial injustice and inequality and the outcry it brings, I am always reminded of the song “Changes” by Tupac Shakur made in 1998. With some of the realist lyrics such as “I got love for my brother, but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other. Learn to see me as a brother instead of two distant strangers...It's time for us as a people to start making some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other…only time we chill is when we kill each other...”


Personally, I have been in situations with my husband where we were profiled by Black associates in stores as well as in our neighborhood or as a wife I’ve sat back and watched our own race profile my husband by their looks, words and actions; so profiling is more than from other races, there just seems to be a bigger outcry. When my sister and I go for walks, we can walk past someone of our own race and they don’t speak, yet alone at times lifting their heads to acknowledge us as we get closer to each other. When I attended Oklahoma State University, a predominately Caucasian university, I noticed then how I can walk past someone and say hello or how are you? and they don’t even acknowledge me. So, no I am not afraid, but I am steadily in prayer and disbelief at times for not only those Black men and women close to me but for our race as a whole. Do I have hope? Yes, but I cannot make other people love and protect me and my family the way that I would love and protect them. My job for my unborn son and for my family as a whole is to always have their backs, teach them that there is good in this world and that love sees no color. I want them to know that Jesus was hated, betrayed by His own but also served a great purpose to everyone He came in contact with.


Will there ever be change? I don’t know and as Mahatma Gandhi said, “you must be the change you want to see in the world.” Every mother wants the best for their child and is devastated when any kind of hurt or wrong is done to them, but most of all I want people to see, like and love my child for who he is, who he is going to be and not by his skin color. I would love to bring my child into a world so filled with love that these unfortunate stories and all types of killings in communities are in the past. I hope, trust and pray my son never experiences hatred and betrayal by anyone but I also hope, trust and pray that his father and I will make a great impact on his heart that he will know nothing but love and forever see people as that. I shed a tear for those that experienced slavery, segregation, the civil rights movement and even today to the families that have to bury family members due to senseless acts of crime. I am proud of those who take a purposeful stand and continue to fight peacefully against hatred and fight for love through our words, actions and deeds. We all have a purpose and we all can use the power of prayer. Black lives do matter and I hope they will always matter to each other.

...And That's Just the Way It Is.